Grappling with Fear

Is fear is our enemy?

For many of us, including myself, fear is our enemy. None of us relish the thought of being afraid of something. We become prisoners of fear. We allow it to stifle new creative ideas – things that we would love to experience or bring into our lives.

What many of us don’t realise is that much of the fear which holds us hostage originates from our past experiences. There are times when that is useful, like when we are in some kind of danger. However, for the majority of the time, our present fears are completely unrelated to the present. They do not serve us. They prevent us from moving forward or taking that leap of faith, from fully expressing ourselves, from simply living in the present and enjoying it.

What can you do about it?

1. Welcome fear in – embrace it! You might say that this is impossible. But, what if you imagine it as an old story that is not part of the present?

Take an A4 sheet of paper and write down everything about that old story that is connected to your fear. What it looks like and feels like – what you’d like to do with your fear and how you will feel when you do. Let your imagination fly.

Then take a coloured pen and write all over your page: This fear and the old story connected to it is no longer part of my life. I do not agree to buy into this old fear. Or, whatever you would like to say.

You can either tear the page up or burn it. You may find that you need to do it frequently for a period of time.

2. Here is a way to unmask the irrationality of fear – ask yourself what if it came true.

Imagine it concerns an idea you have, perhaps of taking your business to another level and you are frightened that it will flop. So what if it does? You try something else. Failures are the stepping stones to success.

Whatever the context of your fear, play out the whole story. Imagine the worst outcome and then ask yourself: So what? What next? What options do I have now?

3. Fear paralyses us and we are unable to think, to move and, often, to breathe. It is what gives us life.

Place both hands over your right and left rib cage and slowly take some deep breaths with your eyes closed. Feel your breath as your rib cage expands in and out. You may find that it doesn’t expand at all because you are only breathing from the top part of your lungs.

Most of us go about our day unaware that we are breathing. When we are stressed, our breathing becomes shallow.

When we move from shallow breathing to relaxed and expansive, we can be open to connect with our heart and love – to being supportive and nurturing of ourselves.

4. Ask yourself this: Is what am I fearing really true? It could be that the old story is telling you that: No one will like your speech or you aren’t good enough for the new position offered to you. It may also be saying that, if you accept that part time job, you’ll be a failure as a mother.

Understanding that our fears are often irrational and unjustified is an important part of grappling with them.

5. The antidote to fear is love and trust in ourselves. Think about it – when you feel so much love in your heart for someone or something it is impossible to hold fear. They are two sides of the same coin.

When you feel fear rising, do something that connects you to love and trust. Some people meditate, others go for a walk in nature or by the sea. Find a simple way to give yourself a hug. Reach out to a friend. Light a candle and take a bath. Do whatever reconnects you to that soft, warm place in you. If you have no idea how to connect to love and trust, just try one of my suggestions or come up with your own and see if it is right for you. If not, try something else.

Moving forward, don’t push fear away. Welcome it in and learn from it. Know that you will have fear from time to time, but fear won’t have you!!

Enjoy the journey,
Elissa